Forever Grateful

Saturday was one of the worst days of my life and I mean that without a hint of exaggeration. It’s tough to even write about let alone put on a public blog but this happened it and I want to remember it so that it never ever happens again.

Jill was downstairs and had fallen asleep with Keegan. She got up and propped him up on the recliner and then came upstairs to chat with us. I went down to check on him and he was sound asleep so I ran back upstairs to help Bryke with something. I wasn’t up there for very long at all maybe 5 minutes when Jill heard her dog Brax barking. She ran down there and I got up too thinking I probably shouldn’t leave Keegan down there with the dog. When I was at the top of the stairs getting ready to go down Jill started screaming my name. When I got down there she had Keegan in her arms and he didn’t look good at all. I grabbed him and was cradling him when Jill told me that when she got down there Keegan had moved and his face was wedged in between the back and the arm of the recliner. His face was blue but he was still breathing and started to respond and move when she picked him up and started talking to him.

As she was telling me all this I was a mess, crying and just holding Keegan to my chest and telling him how sorry I was. I honestly felt like the world’s worst mother ever. My heart is breaking all over again just writing this and it’s hard to keep the tears back because it’s the thoughts that come if Brax wouldn’t have barked there is a very real possibility that we wouldn’t have Keegan with us anymore.

After talking for a minute with my mom I decided to take Keegan to the ER to make sure he was alright. On the way there he wasn’t really responsive and I couldn’t wake him up. That was the scariest 10 minutes of my life. I don’t think I have ever prayed so hard or sincerely in my life. I just wanted my baby to be ok!

Jill came with me and when we got there they were asking me all these questions and I just couldn’t stop crying or really even think straight. Jill was an angel and answered a lot of the questions and then gave one of the sweetest prayers that I have ever heard in my life. It was such a comfort and the exact words that needed to be said at the time. I know Heavenly Father was there with us and had a part in that prayer.

They were pretty worried about Keegan when we got there. But after they undressed him and got him all hooked up he looked so much better and was able to nurse and move around. I think the worst part of the whole experience was having to call and tell Terry that we weren’t home but that I was at the hospital with his baby boy. I thought that he was going to be mad at me but I was completely wrong he was the sweetest and just got there as soon as he could (he was gone snowmobiling) and held me and reassured me that I wasn’t a bad mom and that he loved me. I married the absolute best man in the world. We ended up being in the ER for maybe 3 hours and went home with the ok that Keegan was going to be just fine.

We saw a pediatrician and he told me that we had dodged a bullet. There is nothing that makes you feel like a bad parent more than having someone remind you not to leave your baby alone. I left there with a fire in my heart to be a better mom and just completely drained. I am so unbelievably grateful for Jill’s dog and for a Heavenly Father that loves me and let me keep my baby here with me! Families are forever and I will be forever grateful that mine is with me today!